that week that lasted a year

Seven doctors visits in eight days. Her fever had spiked and what urgent care declared to be an ear infection, the pediatrician quickly denied. Her ears were perfect. Laying on the exam table, I held her hands and cradled her face. Staring into her scared, sweet eyes, I tried to smile and assure her that it was all ok as three nurses huddled around drawing blood from her arm. That afternoon after her 104 degree fever finally broke, we played in her room and I hung on her every smile as she pranced around her bed. 

Her blood work came back the next morning. White blood cells and CRP levels through the roof. There is nothing worse as a parent, than to see your child in pain and not be able to help...or even know whats wrong. The next morning we went to Children's National Hospital in DC where my brave baby girl got an IV in her arm, had more blood taken and threw up for the first time in her life. Finally, a chest x-ray confirmed she had pneumonia in a spot behind her heart.

More antibiotics, a few more follow-up appointments and our girl is finally back to her normal self. 

Thankful for doctors, for friends, family close by and that husband of mine who comforted us both.

The morning before we left for the hospital, she looked at me across the breakfast table, and with her big sad, sweet eyes said, "Mama, I'm not sick anymore." My heart swelled into my throat.

But now baby, now you are truly not sick anymore. Praise the Lord. 

Family of sickies

Nothing will bring out the germaphobe inside you like being a mother. Every sneeze. Every cough. Every runny nose. Every touch. Every grocery cart. Every table and every chair. And don't even get me started on public bathrooms with a "potty-trained" toddler. Germs. Everywhere.

Despite our hand washing and loads of vitamin-c, we are all four sick and have been for over a week now. It has been especially hard on little Poppy who is in the throws of cutting another tooth and got her six month shots on Monday. Poor thing had a pretty terrible fever and vomited so much I literally shrieked in scared shock (thank goodness daddy was home).

We all joined Poppy for her six month check-up and made sure it was just a nasty cold that we're harboring and not the flu. Poppy has slowed in growth a little, but she is still in the 95th percentile for length and 75 percentile for weight. Overall, measuring about two months ahead of her actual age.

These girls could not be any more different and I could not love them more for it.

4/52

Lyla Bird

My little painter. Coloring has never managed to entertain you for very long, 

but painting...painting is a whole different story. You love it and ask to paint

from the time you wake up in the morning until after dinner at night. 

Poppy Odette

You have started to have opinions about what toys you play with and 

throw a fit when your sister takes something away from you. 

You've cut another bottom tooth and have started giving me opened-mouth

kisses on my lips and I could not love them more. 

Lighter and Stronger

Poppy and I turned a major corner. She turned six months and I cut my hair. Ten inches of hair. As silly as it seems, it wasn't until after the chopping that I truly felt like I could take on this new year. Its no secret that for some reason I have a heavy heart going in to 2015 - for reasons I am completely without. 

Yes. Its just hair. But it had begun - in my mind - to define me. I hid behind it and ridiculously, I let it be my definition of beauty. I had had the same long hair since I was 19...and at 29, I finally conquered something weak inside me. And gosh it felt - and still feels - so dang good. 

3/52

Lyla Bird

You are obsessed with the color pink and proudly repeat that 

"Pink is my favorite color," over and over and over again.

Daddy is on a week long business trip, 

and its affecting you the most.

Despite your first ":(" report from school (for pushing and hitting!), 

you are as sweet (and as bossy) as can be to your sister and talking up a storm.

Poppy Odette

Happy sweet girl. You have mastered the art of sitting and you're officially six months old!

You are still nursing what feels like all night long and refuse to take a bottle, 

but you melt me just the same.

2/52

Lyla Bird 

Telling me about your "friends:" Little Pinkie Pie, Lamby, Baby, and Little Bunny.
They accompany you everywhere.
Your little hands especially full of your "friends" on your way to nap time and bed. 

Yesterday, we pretended you were a princess and practiced our curtsies. 

Afterward, you hugged my leg and said: "Thank you for calling me Princess, Mama."

My princess you will always be. 

Poppy Odette

Yesterday, you cut your first tooth! Your bottom right. 

You are sitting up really well by yourself and you're already trying to crawl! 

Slow down, little one. 

a new year

“Of all sound of all bells... 

most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year.” 

― Charles Lamb

My parent's house in the country - where I spent my high school years and later returned to for all those summers and holidays while I was going to school in Texas (and later where my little family lived after we moved back from Boston and achingly waited for our own house to be built) - fills me not only with a certain comfort that safe and familiar walls can only bring, but its also like walking into another world. Its home, yes. But its beauty abounds and feels more like a vacation destination. A welcomed respite.

We stepped out of the car yesterday morning - gravel crunching under our feet and a moist gust of wind combing the sweet smell of fireplace smoke through our hair. Bear made breakfast and we dined with family friends around the table in the library.

It was the perfect ending to the holiday season and a comforting start to the new year. For some reason, my heart feels heavy entering into 2015. This time last year, I carried a secret within my womb that brought with it the hope and excitement of new life and we were weeks away from moving into our new home.  But this year, my feet are searching for steady ground. This year is for holding fast to faith and making the most of each day, fully aware that every moment is a gift not guaranteed.